When A Walking Fart Goes Bad (Parental Discretion Advised)

Ahhhhh, the walking farts.  Every one's had them, so much fun.  You can't help but laugh to yourself when you have a good one.  I love a good walking fart, especially when you can share it with someone you love and they are behind you.  I prefer the following, not in any particular order:  my boys, wife, brother, a person in the grocery store.  They are all appropriate no matter what your wife says.  Probably the most used walking fart is in the grocery store.  I can't tell you how many laps I have done around the grocery store, rippin and movin, rippin and movin.  Quick get out of the isle before someone comes around the corner.  God knows you don't want to be seen in the isle when someone wonders through it.  You might as well say, "hey look at me, I just shit my pants".  I have
even had a couple basketball games where I trot-farted up and down the court, couldn't keep a straight face or make a basket but I could still play defense.

Those are all grand instances.  But when does it go bad?  Well yesterday I met walking farts ugly twin sister, running shart,  not to be confused with shart-nado.  I went on a nice little run and was pleased with the accompaniment of a walking fart during my pre-run brisk walk.  Instead of smiling I should have seen the warning signs.  Here I was going on a nice four mile run, 2.2 out and 2.2 back; piece of cake.  I made it to the half way point when I started to get a little concerned.  On my way back in I found myself spending more and more time weighing my options of wiping my ass on my socks or my shirt if push came to shart.  It was becoming clear that I would not make it back.  My walking fart was all used up, all I had left was running shart which I was desperately fighting to keep at bay.

Why, why did I ignore the signs?  A valuable lesson was learned that day.  I am glad to report that I was able to fight running shart off but that was only because of my good friend "port-jon" in the woods.  It was less fortunate, because I unleashed a shart-nado that rivaled the scene from Dumb and Dumber.  Oh and of course someone had to try to open the door, WTF, really?

The moral of the story, walking farts are more than good fun, they are a sign of the things to come.  On the positive side I had an amazing BM.

WannaBe OUT.  Be Happy, Healthy, and Run Shart Free!