My Wife Hates My Beard

Help!  My wife is hating on my beard.  It's soo pretty baby, don't hate Mr. Beardo.  He loves you.  Okay I am dumb :)

My boys call me Captain Weird Beard

Top 5 Complaints from My Wife About Mr. Beardo:

She says:
1.   Too long, starting to curl (lame)
2.   I break her face out when I kiss her (lamer)
3.   I look like a lumber jack when I wear my flannel (cool)
4.   Not neat looking ("W" whatever)
5.   Bearddriff (tru dat)

Me thinks she is:
6.   Jealous because the girls be checking me out :O)
7.   Scared that guys be checking me out (me too)
8.   Doesn't like that I hide food in it for later (hater)
9.   Can't stand all the attention I give it
10. She secretly wants one